NFL Playoffs!!! MORE!

I shall now break down the two playoff games in a manner which will fill you with shock, awe, and a little gas. Sorry about that last one. Just blame the person in the cubicle next to you. No one likes them anyways.

Ravens - Dolphins

Not really much of a game here, not that you'd be surprised, since Ray Lewis once tried to kill someone. The most efficient passer in the history of the NFL, Chad Pennington (ask a Jet fan if they believe that), didn't quite have a day that lived up to the NFL Comeback Player of the Year award he just received, so they actually asked him to give it back at the end of the game. He cried because of that. Poor guy. Well at least his teammates like him, unlike a certain other AFC East QB playing in NJ on a team called NY. The Ravens D was of course as ferocious as usual and thus the poor Dolphins had no chance. The Dolphins pulled out all the stops to try and win. After the Wildcat offense failed they turned to the Mountain Lion offense, and then the Bengal Tiger, and then creepy animated cat from the Paula Abdul video who likes to smoke offense. Nothing worked. They actually lined up with 12 players on offense for two consecutive drives late in the third quarter. The first was a three and out. The second ended with Pennington throwing one of his thirty interceptions on the day.

Eagles - Vikings

Tavaris Jackson cemented his status as the QB most unsuited for playoff play as the Vikings got whooped up on by the Eagles. In a game pitting Andy Reid against his less fat evil twin Brad Childress ( this guy totally should play the financial adviser to a Bond villain), Donovan McNabb managed to do a couple of things well, but most importantly, he didn't puke on the field at any time. Perhaps he's saving that for next week's matchup against the NY Football Giants (I put football in there so you wouldn't be confused with the NY Baseball Giants who don't exist anymore and haven't existed since 1957 and also play a different sport). In related news, I feel bad for Adrian Peterson who will no doubt suffer a career ending injury while wasting his time playing for the Vikings, when he could be playing on a team with a QB who can actually throw the ball well. Perhaps his team will trade up to draft Tim Tebow.

A COUPLE OF OTHER NEWS THINGS

- The head coach of Boston College, who's name I can't pronounce or spell, is apparently considering interviewing for the Jets job even though he'll get fired from his current one if he does. Not a smart move in this economy, buddy. Also, if you're going to get fired, shouldn't it be for something awesome like strangling a referee after a game instead of interviewing for a new job you won't get? I'm just saying here is all.

- Bill Cowher has taken his phone off the hook so as to make sure people won't continue calling him about their vacant head coaching jobs. Apparently coaching a mediocre team for lots of money is unappealing to him. I, however, am more than willing to do so, in case anyone is interested. In related news, former Lions coach Rod Marinelli checked to see if his phone was still on the hook 8 times and checked his voice mail 15 times yesterday. However, no one has even considered calling him about any job. Not even the one he applied for at Staples. When asked for comment, the manager of that Staples said "we don't hire losers at Staples." Really?